be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
