i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
