ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
