She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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