Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
