I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
