it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
