also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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