non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
