So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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