We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
my liver is dry heaving
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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