Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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