She announced her abortion via fbk
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
