I am in a vortex of obligation.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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