In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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