Non-Jews are for practice
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
