I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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