We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
