Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
