I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
