I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
