is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I FOUND THE LEGS
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
