I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Randomize
