please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
