did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
