Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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