She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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