Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
