i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
