we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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