if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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