i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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