So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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