I'm going to rape someone's good day.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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