hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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