I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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