Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
