: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
