Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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