i permit you to call me
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
