It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
