shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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