Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
