we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
