You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
