I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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