i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
