So drunk its hurt
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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