Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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