So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize