you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
