Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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