I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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