I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
