Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
