Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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