I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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