2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I need to stop coming to work sober
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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