smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
