Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
