Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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