Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize