I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
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While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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