Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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