i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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