Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
