last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
