I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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