Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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