Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
