so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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