Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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