sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Found the puke drawer
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
