Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
