You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
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