Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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