I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
