Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
