yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
