Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
