I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
